The Ultimate Urban Legend
I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from
having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So
anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his
bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When he got
out of the tub he realized that HIS KIDNEYS HAD BEEN STOLEN and he
saw a note on his mirror that said "Call 911!" But he was afraid to
use his phone because it was connected to his computer, and there was
a virus on his computer that would destroy his hard drive if he
opened an e-mail entitled "Join the crew!" He knew it wasn't a hoax
because he himself was a computer programmer who was working on
software to save us from Armageddon when the year 2000 rolls around.
His program will prevent a global disaster in which all the computers
get together and distribute Gates. (It's true -- I read it all last
week in a mass e-mail from BILL GATES HIMSELF, who was also promising
me a free Disneyworld vacation and $5,000 if I would forward the
e-mail to everyone I know.) The poor man then tried to call 911 from
a pay phone to report his missing kidneys, but reaching into the
coin-return slot he got jabbed with an HIV-infected needle around
which was wrapped a note that said, "Welcome to the world of AIDS."
Luckily he was only a few blocks from the hospital-the one, actually,
where that little boy who is dying of cancer is, the one whose last
wish is for everyone in the world to send him an e-mail and the
American Cancer Society has agreed to pay him a nickel for every
e-mail he receives. I sent him two e-mails and one of them was a
bunch of x's and o's in the shape of an angel (if you get it and
forward it to twenty people you will have good luck but ten people
will only have OK luck and if you send it to less than ten people you
will have BAD LUCK FOR SEVEN YEARS). So anyway the poor guy tried
to drive himself to the hospital, but on the way he noticed another
car driving along without his lights on. To be helpful, he flashed
his lights at him and was promptly shot as part of a gang initiation.
And it's a little-known fact that the Y1K problem caused the Dark
Ages.
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